Beginning

I want to tell you about myself.

I could ring off my credentials (again) in this space, but one foundational part of me that I want you to know is that I believe in relationships. I believe in the power of relationships to heal. And to destroy. This is no less true of me than it is for anyone else.
My mother, the woman who raised me, loved me with every piece of her soul. Thoroughly and truly. Whatever I was or was going to be she loved. I know this because she told me regularly. Mostly through stories. She shared a few of the same stories over and over again. All centered on how her love for me affected her and formed her decisions and feelings.

For the longest time I did not appreciate what she was doing. I thought she was just a broken record who forgot she'd already told me these things. Like the West African griots, she was passing down lessons to me about who I was and who we were for each other. I now see the priceless value in her speaking life into me.

Because of this, because of her, I am. She did not birth me with her body. But she birthed me with her soul.

Her daughter, my sister, taught me the value of integrity, authenticity, and humility. To see the value in who I am. To not compare myself to others: positively or negatively. To not believe myself to be better or worse than anyone else. To honor who I am without dishonoring those around me.

My mother's mother, my grandmother, taught me pride, self-sufficiency, grace, and strength. To get things done for myself. To trust that I am capable. To be gentle with myself and others. To assume good faith unless given reason not to. And to take no mess.

Daily I encounter a world that wants to destroy me. Were it not for these three and the work they poured into me, I would be shattered.

This is why my work to shed light on trauma, race, gender, and adoption are my driving force. Because I know that these grounding connections formed secure attachments for me that moored me and engendered resilience in me. Three strong women gave me gifts. And my birth mother gave me the gift of her DNA and the selfless act of shifting the role of parenting to others.

It all formed who I am. I am grateful for it all.